Someone not listening to you trying to close or end a conversation?

Someone sending harassing messages? The block button is your friend. Don’t be afraid to use it. It can give you the breathing space that you need to clear your head and get away from the stress, particularly if just asking them to stop did not work prior.

Friend Collecting

Some people do it, some people don’t. I’ve got a high number of friends because most are either people I’ve met offline or, the majority, are photographers, models, designs or fans of my modelling. Since the follow feature was enabled, you can just follow someone without needing to send a friend request. This is ideal if you still want there to be some degree of separation between the wider public and friend’s only, but you still want people to be notified of when you upload things. This is particularly useful as a model. The only downside is that I can’t go back and edit everyone who was ‘grandfathered’ before this system was introduced.

Friend collecting is effectively just firing off friend request’s just to get the numbers higher. Which… given the follow feature, isn’t as necessary to maintain an audience any more.

Profile link: SomeoneNot-On-FL This is a profile set up for those who are involved with people that are not on Fetlife. It has also been suggested that for an s-type completely new to kink, it might be pertinent to add it and have a relationship to stave off at least some of the initial tide of messages until your feet are on the ground a little more securely.

“I’m Not Your Sub”

This is written with s-types in mind. I’m sure it happens to D-types as well, but I’m writing it from the point of view as the majority of the readers being the former. Just because someone comes barging in to your inbox, does not automatically mean that you have to obey them. Until and only when you have expressly agreed to serve them, no dynamic and therefore no need to obey someone exists. If someone comes in and demands you address them a certain way, that may depend. Some people operate on a high protocol where titles are used, most do not. If you don’t feel comfortable doing so, don’t.


If you decide that it is all too much, instead of completely deleting your profile, it is possible to hide/deactivate it instead. This will allow you to have the open door option of coming back at a later date.

One suggestion is to set your age as 95 or 96, and your location to Antarctica (another popular one is the Vatican). This effectively means that you cannot be searched by your genuine age or location, and that people need to put some effort in and message you to find that out.


Fetlife has two options for images; Fetlife (public) and Friend’s Only. A default suggestion of mine to someone exceptionally new to Fetlife, is to keep explicit images as friend’s only at least until you are more familiar with the site, how it works and you’ve at least vaguely figured what you want to get out of it. By all means, if exhibitionism is your thing then post away, but it’s just a matter of being aware of your audience, and knowing that the ability to fine-tune it is there. To adjust an image to friend’s only, click on the picture to open it. On the right hand side under ‘set as avatar’ and ‘delete’, is a section called ‘privacy’ where, upon clicking ‘edit’ next to who it says the audience is, ‘friend’s only’ is one of the drop-down options.

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