What do you want from this relationship?

Be honest. Have you ever had it? How different is what you want from what you have? And how long has it been this way? If you are loved, it feels like love. Even in the midst of a storm, a loving relationship still feels loving. Despite the stress, the exhaustion, the things you do or say – a loving relationship has an undercurrent of safety, security and respect, even when times are tough. If it doesn’t feel good for you, it’s not.

Replace ‘can’t leave’ with ‘won’t leave’.

Claim back your power by replacing ‘can’t leave‘ with ‘won’t leave‘. Sometimes circumstances mean that it’s difficult to leave. Whatever you choose to do, do it from a place of strength, not from a place of helplessness. If you stay, let it be because you have made the decision that this is the best option for you at this moment in time, not because somebody has claimed ownership of your life. Keep your power and your independence of mind, whatever is going on around you. There’s only one of you and you’re too important to let yourself fade into circumstance or the manipulation.

Not making a decision is making a decision.

You might decide to put off making a decision, to give it some time. Make no mistake, this is making a decision – to stay. Own your decision and experience fully what that decision means for you. Don’t live on the outskirts of your reality by claiming to be somewhere in between committing to the relationship and leaving https://besthookupwebsites.org/cs/hinge-recenze/ it. You’re one or the other. In it or out of it. Claiming indecision might feel okay in the short term, but in the long term it will just keep you stuck, without the energy you need to move closer to what will be healthier for you.

And finally …

If the relationship feels bad, then it’s bad for you. That’s the only truth that matters. Fight hard to keep your relationship intact, but when there is no fight left, the truth will be staring you down like a hunted thing.

All relationships will go through make it or break it times, but healthy relationships recover. They grow closer and become stronger and more resilient. Relationships have a limited amount of resources available – emotional, physical, financial. Sometimes the relationship will be barreled around by a storm and this might use up a vast chunk of the resources that have been banked over time. If the relationship is healthy, it will only be a matter of time before this is topped up. If it isn’t, it will shrivel up from lack of nourishment and eventually die.

Only you can decide whether to stay or go, but be mindful of your reasons. Sometimes the bravest, most difficult, and most life-changing things lie not in what we do, but in what we stop doing.


Hello my name is Ilona and i just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. We had the most toxic relationship anyone could every had. I met him when i was 16 and he was 20 and he was an alcoholic and addicted to drugs but i stayed because deep down i loved him and we connected. Being around him caused me to gain weight and not do well in school. Those were the physical changes that happened. Mentally it was a nightmare, we would break up and get back together its like fire and ice all of the time. I thought thats what passion was but im not sure of that either. He was in the military so he would be gone a lot of the time but i would always check his location and be worried because there was such a lack of trust. I cheated on him to try to convice myself that i somehow escaped the relaionship but I still stayed. Recently things got to a breaking point where he was drinking everyday when he was coming home for that last 3 months. I felt so stupid for staying but i convinced myself that it was ok because i had cheated on him. We broke up yesterday and i told his family about his issues. Im 18 and i cant fix an alcoholic and i am not a cheater i hate that i did that. I feel like everything bad in my life has been caused my him. But i also feel so attatched to him because he was my first love. I blocked him on everything and we havent talked since last night. I wanted to share my story, like many other did, to show how you are better than your abuser. The decisions you make are soley yours but if you are in a rotten relationship with a rotten person then you become that too. Im learning to let go and if anyone has any advice for me on how to cope please reach out ??

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